what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
