I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
