life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
How's work?
Spinning.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
