I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
