The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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