my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
