One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
