she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
