Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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