I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
