You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
