my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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