theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
