I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
