i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
