My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
