I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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