....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
