your room smells of hookers.
And success
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
