idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
