i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
