Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
