I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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