Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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