There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
