I wannas sexs uuuuu
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
