I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
