I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
