He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
