I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i think my cat just said my name.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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