can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
