do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
