guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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