He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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