so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize