I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize