I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
