some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize