Jerry, you need to find god
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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