I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
