I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
