8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
