don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
