My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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