A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
