Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
we're so committed to being not committed
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize