I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
