Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
