Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
