Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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