I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
