you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
