you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
