Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i think i have two assholes
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
