making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
