Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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