he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
