I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
