4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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