you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
