I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
