the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
