remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
