If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
