dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
