Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
