I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
