All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize