It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
