i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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