new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
