She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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